Christmas Truths
by N Tonks Fan
Summary: It's Christmas in London and The Doctor decides to admit his feelings towards Rose but it doesn't all go to plan. One shot.


**Christmas Truths**

"And that was World War One ladies and gentlemen," The Doctor grinned over at Rose and Jack as he closed the door of The Tardis. "Where to next then?" he asked brightly.

"You know I'm feeling in quite a Christmas mood at the moment," Jack drawled.

Rose's eyes lit up.

"Can we go and see mum?" she asked.

The Doctor put a pained expression on his face.

"Another Christmas spent in the company of Jackie Tyler!"

"Oh come on doctor. You know you love her really," Rose laughed.

"Weeeelll," The Doctor considered. "Lets go!"

"Yes!" Rose jumped up and wrapped her arms around him in a quick hug. His two hearts beat furiously as she touched him. The Doctor patted her stiffly on the back before quickly letting go, feeling awkward.

"Well come on then!" she exclaimed as he stood there numbly.

"Right. Sorry," The Doctor mumbled before heading over to the controls and starting up The Tardis.

As the engines roared his eyes couldn't help but drift over to the corner where Rose and Jack were now talking.

_Was it possible that he was feeling jealous?_

After a few rough seconds they landed unusually smoothly in London.

"What date is it?" Rose asked excitedly as she raced over to open the door.

"24th of December 2008," Jack said after consulting The Tardis's computer screen.

The Doctor nodded curtly and made as if to follow her out but Jack flung out his arm to stop him.

"Captain?"

"Are you planning on telling her?" Jack asked seriously.

"Telling her what?" The Doctor asked innocently.

"Rose. That you- Well you know what I mean," Jack replied.

"Is it that obvious?" The Doctor asked flatly.

"I'm afraid so," Jack slapped him on the back. "But don't worry she doesn't have a clue. She is human after all," he laughed.

The Doctor made no reply. His mind was running in a million directions.

_Maybe he should tell Rose? Tell her that he loved her. Get it all out in the open. Then maybe they could be together but could they really be together? He was a time lord and she a human. She would grow old and pass away yet he would remain alone and heartbroken. Perhaps it would be best just to keep things hidden. _

"Are you two coming or what?" Rose stuck her head back into the police box, bringing The Doctor back to reality.

"Sorry," Jack responded before The Doctor could open his mouth. "We were just discussing what we could get you for a Christmas present."

"Really! Well anyway come on. I'm desperate to see mum," Rose said eagerly.

Jack and The Doctor exchanged looks before stepping out into the city.

It was late afternoon. A thin layer of snow glazed the ground cast red by the setting sun.

"Rose!" a voice shrieked.

A second later a small blonde came racing towards them.

"Rose! You made it! You made it back for Christmas!" Jackie Tyler squealed as she planted a kiss on her daughters cheek. "Oh hello," she added as she caught sight of Jack.

"Mrs Tyler," Jack greeted her.

"Oh please, call me Jackie," Rose's mum giggled.

Rose rolled her eyes.

"Can't you ever give me some notice!" Jackie moaned as she led them into the flat. "The place is a tip _and_ I don't have any good food in."

"It's fine mum. Don't worry about it. We'll all give you a hand wont we?" Rose said.

"Are you kidding?" Jack asked. "Cooking and the doc just don't go together."

"No but cleaning I can do. You human beings are too messy, I always say that to Rose," The Doctor said.

"Your idea of cleaning is to sweep everything into the bin," Rose stated.

"Well you lot have too much stuff. In my opinion I'm doing you a favour by throwing things out."

"So that's where my slippers went to," Jackie said.

"What those pink fluffy things?" The Doctor asked. "Nah. They were hideous so I chucked them out the window last time we were here. I think a lorry ran them over."

Jackie looked affronted for a moment before shrugging slightly.

"This is a nice place you've got here," Jack stared around the house.

"Well aren't you a charmer," Jackie beamed at him.

"Mum please!" Rose complained. "Anyway what do you want us to do to get ready for tomorrow?"

"Right. Jack and I shall get started on cleaning this place up. Rose you go out to the supermarket and see what you can get. You might not find a turkey so late on but you should get some sort of meat."

"What about me?" The Doctor grinned.

"You? You can fix my telly. The picture's been all funny for the past few months."

The Doctor threw her an exasperated look before striding over to the TV set and bending down to examine it.

"The peronifis denoshing gauge," he observed. "That should do it," he angled the sonic screw driver at the TV and pressed it.

The three people in the room looked blankly at him.

"One of the wires had come out of the back," The Doctor told them.

"Could you get me free Sky with that thing?" Jackie asked with interest, her eyes fixed on the screw driver.

A few hours later Rose and The Doctor strode down the busy main street, his arms full of shopping bags.

"Remind me never to go to one of those supermarkets in London ever again!" The Doctor stated.

"It's not usually that bad," Rose spoke up. "It's Christmas Eve! All us humans go crazy at Christmas time."

"Just at Christmas?" The Doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Hey!" Rose objected.

The Doctor smiled over at her.

He felt more relaxed now that Jack was gone. He couldn't help but feel annoyed anytime he saw Jack and Rose together.

"Doctor?" Rose said sharply. "Did you listen to anything I just said?"

"Yeah, yeah you were talking about uh purple Christmas trees weren't you?"

"What?" Rose asked.

"No idea!" The Doctor replied. "Were you perhaps talking about chips?"

"You know me to well," Rose laughed.

"That I do," The Doctor agreed.

"Don't you just love this time of year," Rose said dreamily.

"Mmmm," The Doctor replied distantly.

"Oh look a brass band!" Rose pointed to a group of men standing playing instruments outside a fruit shop.

"Mmmm."

"What is wrong with you?" Rose asked.

"Nothing," The Doctor said shortly.

"Dance with me," Rose demanded playfully.

She dropped the carrier bags she was holding and encircled her arms around his neck.

The Doctors two hearts began racing as he held Rose close to him.

The two swayed slowly on the spot to Silent Night, ignoring the looks they were getting from passers by.

The Doctors eyes closed as his head drifted forward to lean on Rose's.

"Don't you wish you could stay like this forever?" Rose murmured. "No Cybermen, Daleks or any other alien creature. No adventures, dangerous missions, life threatening expeditions."

The Doctor opened his eyes and looked down at her, his eyebrows raised.

Rose stepped back and gazed up at him. The two locked eyes and simultaneously burst into fits of laughter.

"No seriously," Rose said. "I wouldn't trade my life with you for anything you know that don't you."

"Oh come on! Don't go getting all soppy on me. I can't stand emotional speeches," The Doctor replied.

Rose nodded and pulled The Doctor back towards her.

"Don't you think we should be getting back?" The Doctor asked although he made no sign of moving away.

"Just a minute," Rose begged.

A silent battle began raging in The Doctors's head. _Was this the time to tell Rose what he felt for her? Or he could just try and shut his feelings out like he had done for so long. _

"Why do you look so serious all of a sudden?" Rose asked. "What's going on in that great brain of yours?"

"Nothing," The Doctor said slowly. "Although it is a great brain isn't it," he added with a grin.

"The biggest on the planet," Rose agreed.

"Just in this planet?" he asked.

"Oh alright. In the full universe. Happy?"

"Very," The Doctor smiled.

Rose leaned up towards him to plant a kiss on his cheek but at the last minute he turned his head and she caught his lips instead.

"Sorry," Rose apologised.

"Don't be," The Doctor said seriously.

He looked deep into Rose's eyes and stared at her transfixed as she reached up to caress his face. With great will power he managed to tear his eyes away.

"I can't do this," he said slowly.

"Do what?" Rose asked curiously.

The Doctor placed his hands on Rose's shoulders.

"The thing is Rose. I – well I – I think I love you."

Rose's expression turned to one of shock.

"You think?" Rose asked.

"No, well I know. It's all part of that big brain of mine," The Doctor said, using his wit to cover up the seriousness of the situation. "Soooo. What do you think?" he asked lightly.

Inside he was kicking himself. _Why did he always have to act like this? He could never remain serious for long. He always had to make a sarcastic comment or crack a joke. Never showed his emotions. _

"Oh," Rose whispered.

"Oh?" The Doctor quizzed. "What kind of 'oh'?"

"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that," Rose answered. "From the moment I met you I became fascinated. Every day we spent together I grew to love you more and more but it always seemed like you didn't care."

"Of course I cared!" The Doctor objected. "Well I might have found you a bit annoying to begin with but I soon changed my mind."

Rose smiled slightly.

"You see after a while I just sort of gave up on you. I knew you'd never want anything to happen between us so I moved on. It wasn't easy but I eventually did it. I managed to lose my feelings towards you despite how strong they were."

"Oh…" The Doctor said heavily.

"What was that 'oh'?" Rose asked.

"An 'oh' that means oh because I can't think of anything else to say that kind of 'oh'," The Doctor explained.

He looked down at the slush created from the many feet trampling up and down the street.

He felt all numb inside. Never in all of time would he have thought that this would have happened.

"It doesn't matter I suppose," he said slowly.

"Of course it does," Rose argued. "Doctor I am so sorry…"

"It's not your fault," The Doctor said mechanically. "So who is it? Who have you moved on to?"

Rose remained silent for a moment.

"Jack…" she spoke softly.

"What does he have that I don't!" The Doctor objected playfully.

_Here he goes again _he thought angrily to himself_. Never able to talk about his feelings. Always keeping them locked up. Not letting anyone know how he truly felt about things. _

"I'm so sorry," Rose repeated.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," The Doctor said. "Clear my head with this lovely, fresh polluted air."

He walked slowly away from her, never taking his eyes off the ground.

He felt nothing. Not anger. Not a hint of sadness. No self pity. Nothing. For once in his life he had no idea what to feel or what to do. He was stunned. Cold and empty inside.


End file.
